Changing the Conversation.

A fellow blogger sent me this quote.

"You don't write because you want to say something,  you write because you have something to say." - F. Scott Fitzgerald.

My words are a call to action for you, and all of us to change the conversation about mental health. I'm not even talking about changing what kind of treatments are needed like medicine vs. psychotherapy. I'm talking about acknowledging that it is real, it is an issue, and letting those that reach out know that they are not alone. There is hope. 

It's not a big deal if you deal with it. 

Being that March is women's history month and also rounds out my quarter of a century being around, I thought now was as appropriate a time as ever to post on this topic. 

My Story

My story is personal but not uncommon. I grew up with my Dad having Schizophrenia (diagnosed around 2003), which meant I was acutely aware of mental illness and its effects from an early age.

When I was 16 I was diagnosed with depression. At first, I thought it was something I would grow out of, like a pair of shoes, or a pair of pants. I started taking Zoloft at 18 and until I decided to take myself off of it at 20 while a sophomore in college.

 I had some depressive episodes while on the medication but felt pretty stable and “in-control". About three years later though, I had to get back on medication and it wasn’t easy. Through therapy and medication I realized that my depression wasn’t a phase from my teenage years. It was something I would have to live with and deal with for the rest of my adult life.

Beyond my Control

That realization felt debilitating and crushing. I was eating healthy, exercising, drinking lots of water, and making sure I had a solid sleep schedule but that still wasn’t enough. I didn’t understand how despite my efforts, it was something beyond my control. 

Despite knowing that my Dad couldn't help having a mental illness, somehow I thought I was different and I was more powerful than any chemical in my mind. I was ok with others having something they couldn't control alone, but I didn't apply the same understanding for myself. 

Lack of Awareness

Mental health is indicative of many other issues. Because of the stigma and lack of awareness surrounding many disorders, those with the disease suffer and turn to self-medication like alcohol or drugs. They aren't bad people, they are just people trying to find a way to stop the pain, who also don't have a full understanding of what is happening to them. 

We need to make talking about our mental health ok and not a sign of weakness or defeat. It's empowering and brave, it shows self-awareness and emotional intelligence to say "Hey something doesn't feel right and I want to do something about it. I want to get help." 

A Secret We Share 

Andrew Solomon is one of my favorite writers on the topic of psychology and depression. He gave a compelling TEDTalk about how depression is a secret we share. His outlook and perspective offer some comfort and a different voice than any other I've heard. 

"Valuing one's depression does not prevent a relapse, but it may make the prospect of relapse and even relapse itself easier to tolerate. The question is not so much of finding great meaning and deciding your depression has been very meaningful. It's of seeking that meaning and thinking, when it comes again,"This will be hellish, but I will learn something from it."

Seeking out others with depression and learning more about what our culture is doing has been a great asset for me. I am open about my depression because I own that is a part of my identity but not my entire identity. People are complex and multi-faceted.

We spend so much time in our society trying to isolate one trait, one ingredient, and one behavior to get the fix-all. 

Synchronicity of Life 

What we need to understand is that life works in synchronicity with everything else. My depression, along with my happiness, curiosity for life, and my adventurous spirit all make up who I am. Just like one meal won't make you fat or skinny, one depressive episode or down day does not define my life. 

Most days are good, actually great! When the days are bad I have learned not to fight them or resent them. I sit with the downs and let them have their moment because that's all I can do. Granted, I don't do things to make them worse. 

I haven't quite figured out what exactly makes me feel better in the immediate but I do know what exacerbates my lows. Drinking, poor eating, not getting enough sleep, getting over stimulated (trying to do too much in a short period of time). 

Thats an import piece to my puzzle. We can't always have the answers for what works but figuring out what doesn't is equally important. 

Value and Perspective 

The world isn't as lost as depression makes it seem. There is hope. There are bad times but the good in the world and it's beauty are much brighter than any darkness out there. You just have to hang around long enough to see the sunrise. 

My depression adds value to my life and spirit because it is a part of me. I have different perspectives about the world because of it.

Call to Action

My call to action for anyone reading this is to understand that people with mental health issues and illnesses are not less important, no less capable, and no less of person because of it. The judgement and stigma needs to end. Once we move past that, we can move towards helping those in need and strengthening our society. 

10 Assertions About Life One Year Out of College

One year and one day ago I graduated from college. This photo encapsulates the joy and enthusiasm I felt that day. 

I am happy to report that I have carried that joy and enthusiasm with me as I embarked on what I markedly called "the first day of the rest of my life" (see planner photo below from my last semester of college). 

Since graduating, I've moved a couple times, changed jobs, and developed a new lens through which I view life.

 I sit here today with the same insatiable desire to live, learn, and take chances that has carried me through my adventures the past few years. It is this same desire that propelled me to take a gap year before college when I volunteered in Morocco and au paired in France. It is this same desire that led me to my study abroad in South Africa my junior year of college.

Through all of these experiences I learned a lot.  Now that the proverbial training wheels of education and institutions have been removed and I've ridden off into the horizon on my own two wheels, I'd like to share ten assertions I've come upon. Many of the lessons I went through and realizations I had were years and countries in the making. But it has been this particular year that has allowed me see life a little more clear. These are what I live by. 

10 Assertions About Life One Year Out of College

10. Proactivity>Reactivity. 

You can't always predict when it's going to rain, but you can carry an umbrella. Heck, there really isn't anything you can predict or control in life. 

9.  Don't be the first person to tell yourself no. 

There are plenty of cynical, unhappy people out there that are ready to tell you why you will fail. It is your job to believe in yourself and show them that yes, yes you can, yes you did. The belief  you have in yourself is one of the greatest determinants in your ability to succeed. 

8. Positivity yields positivity. 

There are a lot of ways you can say this. Some call it Karma, others say you reap the seeds you sow. However you spin it, the underlying sentiments are the same. Think of your thoughts like a magnet. When you think more positively more positive things will happen. Instead of being mad you are stuck at a redlight, appreciate the moment of stillness you have to stop and take a look around you. 

7. Staying curious is a cure for the common cynic. 

One of the reason kids are so fascinating and the youth spark social change is because both continue to question life. They never settle for this false idea that things-always-are-and-forever-will-be. There are no absolutes in life so keep asking questions. Continue to knock, seek, and find. 

 

6. You truly are the company you keep. 

Many great leaders have said you are the average sum of the five people you surround yourself with. Understand that people emit energy, much like the sun radiates heat and UV rays. Too much exposure to the wrong kinds of energy will leave you burnt, battered, and sick. Conversely, surrounding yourself with good energy will give you wings and make you become a better version of yourself. 

5. Success and failure are not mutually exclusive. 

These are two sides of the same coin. Failure is one of those universal human experiences that connect us all. Everyone has experienced failure. To me, success is not accepting failure as the final result. It's about rising above, moving forward, and figuring out a different approach.  Success and failure are determined by which outcome you choose to live with. 

4. When you take care of your mind and body everything else will fall into place. 

You would never try to drive across the country on a quarter tank of gas! If you did try, most people would label you as insane. Why do people think they can make it through the day, the week, and rest of their lives running on near empty?? When you take care of your body with adequate water, sleep, nutrients, and exercise there are immeasurable benefits that transcend all other aspects of your life. Take care of yourself NOW so you can enjoy yourself later in life. What you eat, how much you sleep, and how hydrated you are affect your mental state so much more than people realize. Taking care of your mind will make your cognitive skills better so you will be able to think clearer, stronger, and faster. 

3. Call your family and friends when you think about them. Don't sit on the fact that you can call them later until they become the late... 

We hold onto a certain notion that all of our siblings, cousins, aunts, uncles, grandparents, and parents will be there to see us through to our major life events. There comes a point though when you have to realize nothing is a certitude. When you think of someone, call them. Write to them. Reach out. 

2. An attitude of gratitude will carry you further than any raise, job, house, car, or other form of materialism. 

To me, gratitude is appreciating what you have while you have it. So many people seek outside of their own lives for happiness. A simple acknowledgement of your health, your family, and your freedom of choice are where true contentment can be found. People need to celebrate more of who they are now, not what they were or want to be. 

1.  Happiness is a choice. 

It's a crazy concept but it's true. I always thought that happiness was a point in life that I would reach when everything else fell into place. Now I see that happiness is a state of being. It actually is that simple. I am happy because I am healthy today. I choose happiness because it's empowering. I choose happiness therefore I AM.