The Ultimate Birthday Gift

I haven't met anyone yet who each year says "Yea I'm turning the age I should be turning. Just like last year, my life events, finances, and relationships are exactly where they should be according to how many years it's been since I popped out."

I can already tell you why I haven't met that person. They don't exist. All those things mentioned are social constructs built around you. They vary depending on the culture you come from, the culture you presently live in, and the culture you see yourself being a part of in the future.

The Law 

Here we are now left with the law in the society we live in. --> America

18- I was finally able to sign all my own documents, have an un-restricted drivers license, and vote. (No more forging mom's signature :-0 )

21- I was finally able to buy my own alcohol and stop sneaking into bars and clubs by using a fake french accent and pretending I was foreign. (Je m'appelle Alissa. Je ne parle pas anglais)

25- I now have less fees for renting a car. (Maybe I'll own one by the time I'm 30)

But that doesn't seem right to leave the fate of a birthday up to the law it co-insides with. At 25 I've reached one of my last known restrictions. I thought about the past years and what made them special. Each birthday has been so different;I've been sick in the past, in another country, and now on a different coast than all of my family. That being said, I never felt lacking or that I missed out when the variables of life changed. I've always felt they were good, life was good.

"The good life is one inspired by love and guided by knowledge.Knowledge and love are both indefinitely extensible; therefore, however good a life may be, a better life can be imagined. Neither love without knowledge, nor knowledge without love can produce a good life." 

- Bertrand Russell 

Let the love in

So everyday and absolutely every year we learn things, we acquire a new understanding, and become all the wiser for it (hopefully). What has made my birthdays so special has not been the laws that I've reached or the new knowledge I've gained. It has been the love I let in, no matter how far, how sick, or how different things seemed to be, that has made each year as full as the last. 

What does it mean to let the love in? It means a few things but firstly, people give love all the time around you but its easy to dismiss because of pride, prejudice, or your own insecurity. We've built up walls and behaviors that make showing human-to-human love seem weird or off. Letting the love in with people is literal. Accept the kindness and the words on your birthday. Be genuine and gracious.

The second component is letting the love in, from you own self. What do you love? What makes you feel alive? Let it in. Embrace it. I made my own breakfast, listened to some Billie Holiday and Louis, and I wrote. It's easy to forget what makes you tick throughout the year because such is life. Letting your love of pleasures and activities is another way to fill you up, even for just that one day a year.

My trusted and true Billie Holiday poster.

The ultimate birthday gift

"Let the love in" I reminded myself the night before my birthday. It was easy to feel a little homesick and that something was missing. I let that moment have it's time before letting the love in from all those who reached out-- which quickly filled any void I felt before. Then I let the love in from myself. I wrote, I cooked and enjoyed my favorite music. I found solace in remembering that the amount of love I let in helps deepen the capacity for the love I let out or give.

Letting the love in is the ultimate birthday gift because it is a multiplier of all things. It re-energizes your soul, the soul of others, and if you truly let it in, it becomes the gift that keeps on giving.

It won't matter where you are or who you are with. Those things will become supplemental to your birthday if you can practice letting the love in.

10 Assertions About Life One Year Out of College

One year and one day ago I graduated from college. This photo encapsulates the joy and enthusiasm I felt that day. 

I am happy to report that I have carried that joy and enthusiasm with me as I embarked on what I markedly called "the first day of the rest of my life" (see planner photo below from my last semester of college). 

Since graduating, I've moved a couple times, changed jobs, and developed a new lens through which I view life.

 I sit here today with the same insatiable desire to live, learn, and take chances that has carried me through my adventures the past few years. It is this same desire that propelled me to take a gap year before college when I volunteered in Morocco and au paired in France. It is this same desire that led me to my study abroad in South Africa my junior year of college.

Through all of these experiences I learned a lot.  Now that the proverbial training wheels of education and institutions have been removed and I've ridden off into the horizon on my own two wheels, I'd like to share ten assertions I've come upon. Many of the lessons I went through and realizations I had were years and countries in the making. But it has been this particular year that has allowed me see life a little more clear. These are what I live by. 

10 Assertions About Life One Year Out of College

10. Proactivity>Reactivity. 

You can't always predict when it's going to rain, but you can carry an umbrella. Heck, there really isn't anything you can predict or control in life. 

9.  Don't be the first person to tell yourself no. 

There are plenty of cynical, unhappy people out there that are ready to tell you why you will fail. It is your job to believe in yourself and show them that yes, yes you can, yes you did. The belief  you have in yourself is one of the greatest determinants in your ability to succeed. 

8. Positivity yields positivity. 

There are a lot of ways you can say this. Some call it Karma, others say you reap the seeds you sow. However you spin it, the underlying sentiments are the same. Think of your thoughts like a magnet. When you think more positively more positive things will happen. Instead of being mad you are stuck at a redlight, appreciate the moment of stillness you have to stop and take a look around you. 

7. Staying curious is a cure for the common cynic. 

One of the reason kids are so fascinating and the youth spark social change is because both continue to question life. They never settle for this false idea that things-always-are-and-forever-will-be. There are no absolutes in life so keep asking questions. Continue to knock, seek, and find. 

 

6. You truly are the company you keep. 

Many great leaders have said you are the average sum of the five people you surround yourself with. Understand that people emit energy, much like the sun radiates heat and UV rays. Too much exposure to the wrong kinds of energy will leave you burnt, battered, and sick. Conversely, surrounding yourself with good energy will give you wings and make you become a better version of yourself. 

5. Success and failure are not mutually exclusive. 

These are two sides of the same coin. Failure is one of those universal human experiences that connect us all. Everyone has experienced failure. To me, success is not accepting failure as the final result. It's about rising above, moving forward, and figuring out a different approach.  Success and failure are determined by which outcome you choose to live with. 

4. When you take care of your mind and body everything else will fall into place. 

You would never try to drive across the country on a quarter tank of gas! If you did try, most people would label you as insane. Why do people think they can make it through the day, the week, and rest of their lives running on near empty?? When you take care of your body with adequate water, sleep, nutrients, and exercise there are immeasurable benefits that transcend all other aspects of your life. Take care of yourself NOW so you can enjoy yourself later in life. What you eat, how much you sleep, and how hydrated you are affect your mental state so much more than people realize. Taking care of your mind will make your cognitive skills better so you will be able to think clearer, stronger, and faster. 

3. Call your family and friends when you think about them. Don't sit on the fact that you can call them later until they become the late... 

We hold onto a certain notion that all of our siblings, cousins, aunts, uncles, grandparents, and parents will be there to see us through to our major life events. There comes a point though when you have to realize nothing is a certitude. When you think of someone, call them. Write to them. Reach out. 

2. An attitude of gratitude will carry you further than any raise, job, house, car, or other form of materialism. 

To me, gratitude is appreciating what you have while you have it. So many people seek outside of their own lives for happiness. A simple acknowledgement of your health, your family, and your freedom of choice are where true contentment can be found. People need to celebrate more of who they are now, not what they were or want to be. 

1.  Happiness is a choice. 

It's a crazy concept but it's true. I always thought that happiness was a point in life that I would reach when everything else fell into place. Now I see that happiness is a state of being. It actually is that simple. I am happy because I am healthy today. I choose happiness because it's empowering. I choose happiness therefore I AM.