6 Months and 6 Lessons on Resilience

Grabbing life by the horns (Reindeer horns) outside the Philly Art Museum

As July comes to an end, it also draws to a close my 6^th month up here. I’m using this sixth month as a metric to look at how far I have come and how far I still have to go.

It’s not always easy going after what you want, what you know is right, but you have got to keep on keepin' on. Taking a risk, in and of itself, is scary, let alone existing in life and dealing with the unexpected. Embrace the fact that life happens and resilience is the bridge that keeps you above the rushing rapids and makes the impossible possible. 

Here are six lessons of resilience I've dealt with over the past few months.

6. Turn rejection into a resource (literally).

Anyone who has applied to jobs knows the feeling of receiving those dreaded "Thank you for applying but..." emails. No lie, I've submitted over 200 job applications in the past year and received my fair share of rejection emails. 
After the initial dozen or so I started comparing the rejection emails. Some of the emails I received were less than favorable while others were the standard automated response. However, some of them were surprisingly nice and left me feeling hopeful even though they were notifying me I didn't get the job!

I started archiving the rejection emails that I liked.  Cut to a few months later and I had to help write rejection emails. What did I do? I used all of those rejection emails I archived to help create my own. I took parts of several different ones and literally turned my past rejections into a valuable resource. It was a full circle moment that was just another example of how rejection being negative is a misnomer.

Rejection is really just redirection.

5. A Person who helps the People helps the Person.

A part of being young and a marked characteristic of millennials is a degree of self-involvement. I admit I've succumb to it, as have most of my peers and it  does more harm than good, especially when trying to become successful. 

Part of being resilient is about being able to say to yourself that it's not about you. Resilience manifests itself in the people around you. 

Helping other people is where true strength comes from. Building others up through your time or resources makes the world a brighter and lighter place. 

4. Sharpen your Axe.

"Give me six hours to chop down a tree and I will spend the first four sharpening the axe." Abraham Lincoln 

It’s not just about the work and labor; it’s about cultivating your energy and craft. 

Sharpening your ax means exercising, eating right, and more importantly giving yourself a break. You can chop away at your battles and challenges but if your axe is dull, you will have to work that much harder and that much longer.

3. Wash your hair with shampoo, body with soap and your mind with Gratitude. 

Gratitude is like a warm healing remedy that washes away bitterness, frustration, and resentment.

We accept that dirt, dust, and grime build up on our bodies on a daily basis. It's a part of living in the world around us. We've come to practice getting clean by buying soaps, shampoos, and even adopting a set time to wash away the day's dust. 

Gratitude is what we need to wash our mind and soul with on a daily basis, especially in our efforts to reach goals and become better people. Being grateful helps us rinse away the negativity and become fresh. Unlike showering with water, there's no limit to standing under the shower head of gratitude (and no matter how long you soak in it, you will never become pruney). 

2. Remember Weather vs. Climate. 

Weather is described as the conditions during a given period of time while Climate is conditions prevailing over a longer period of time. The operative word being longer.

I realized that approaching setbacks with this notion was useful. One rainy day does not determine our climate. One set-back, missed opportunity, or rough-patch are not the actual state of our life.

Let the rainy days roll through because everyone experiences rain. And like different climates, things grow in all different ones. It's a matter of finding the one that fits you, adjusting to it and adapting.

1. Grounded Hope

I used to call myself delusionally optimistic but I recently found this article and discovered the term 'grounded hope' which describes my disposition more accurately. 

Being positive is important but blind optimism (constantly saying things are going to be fine when they clearly are not) is dangerous. 

Being resilient has meant taking on the challenges, not sprinkling inspirational phrases on them and hoping they will take care of themselves.

If none of this inspires you, I hope this GIF will. Resilience never looked so fabulous. 

How I stopped biting my nails and lost 10 lbs (No products or gimicks, I swear)

This isn't going to be some hokey blog post about a gimmick or diet. This post is an attempt to explain to others how things we think we can’t change or have tried mercilessly to control are actually much less complicated than we thought. This is a story of letting go of the constructs of what life is ‘supposed’ to be in order to allow us to attain the life we were meant to live.

I’ve been a nail biter my whole life. My mom always used to yell at me and say, “You have such nice long fingers, if only you stopped biting your nails!” There are many reasons people bite their nails; stress, boredom, anxiety, or all three. I’d say my reasons were a combination of those things in the beginning and as I got older it was just a habit.

Growing up I was active and never had major body issues but I always felt a sense of “I could be healthier. It wouldn’t hurt to lose some weight”. I am a firm believer that health and wellness are more than the numbers on a scale and are the sum of our emotional, mental, physical, and spiritual states.

In February of this year I decided to take a chance and pursue a dream of mine since I was seven. I first visited New York City on a bus trip to see the Radio City Christmas Spectacular with my Mom and Grandmom in the fall of 1997. I can remember getting off the bus and feeling this crazy wave of energy pulse through me.

At seven, I immediately tapped into the electric waves of New York City and a seed was planted. In a very matter of fact manner, I told my mom that I would move there one day. That declaration and feeling stayed with me throughout the next sixteen years of subsequent visits to the city, graduating high school, college, and traveling.

How does this all tie into my habit breaking and weight loss? Let me explain. When I moved up here in February something started to happen. It wasn’t exactly one specific day I decided I was done with my nails or anything like that. It was a slow but steady progression of living the life I was meant to live a little more each day. Before I decided to give New York a try, I sought other opportunities with hopes that they were the answer to my professional, personal, and physical happiness.

After five months up here, trying to literally and figuratively push my way through the crowds of people I encountered in order to make my dream of working and living up here a reality, I have discovered an amazing truth.

I have come to realize that living your dreams DOES NOT mean giving up everything and losing yourself.  Living your dreams mean you are gaining yourself and finding yourself completely! Because I decided to stop forcing myself to be someone and do something I thought was the “right thing” and started focusing on more meaningful experiences and pursuits from within, everything else has fallen into place. My hunger for success and existing fully in life has overcome my hunger for excess food and experiences that I don’t need. Losing weight and breaking my nail biting habit have been fringe benefits of living the life I was meant to live.

Yoga and running have been integral in this process

Let me clarify that this process has been filled with trials, trepidations, and tribulations.  Life is full of those three T’s. The feeling of being alive, the people I’ve met, and the creative waves of energy I have felt have outweighed the three T’s ten fold. 

 I constantly make it a priority to balance my work life, personal time, nutrition, and exercise because all of these areas need to work together in harmony. Isolating one is as useful as only stabilizing one peg of  a four legged a chair. If the other three aren’t secure, the chair will be off balance.

My take on all of this; Let go of what you have (mentally, physically, emotional) in order to make space to receive what you need. I wouldn’t have arrived at the place I’m at today if I had held onto the fears and doubts that slipped into my mind from time to time. This path of jumping to a new city isn't the answer for everyone, but the notion of taking a risk and doing something you've never done will surely give you something you've never gotten before. 

First manicure ever with my "real" nails.

Youth isn't wasted on the young.

A youthful Alissa at Christmas. 

Youth isn't wasted on the young, it is left behind by the old; waiting to be picked up, brushed off, and tuned up again like that old guitar from college in your attic.

Characters of the World

In the last five or six years, during my travel and adventures, I encountered dozens upon dozens of what I call characters of the world. I wish I had carried around a recorder to capture some of the insights and stories of those I met along the way. Although I can't recount every detail or journey I came upon, I still have managed to retain a great deal of the knowledge and wisdom bestowed on me by those fellow characters of the world.

A Man at the Airport

One of the more memorable conversations I had was with a man I met a few years ago at Heathrow airport in London. I was waiting for my departing flight to Johannesburg, South Africa. After brief small talk of “Hi, where are you from?” “I wish airport lounge chairs were more comfortable”, he started telling me some of his regrets. After hearing about how he wished he traveled more, worked less, and ate more vegetables, he paused and looked on for a moment. He then turned to me and said with an undertone of bitterness, “I wish I could go back and change a few things. It’s a shame but Oscar was right, youth is wasted on the young.” I admittedly took this as an insult at first, primarily because I scoffed at the idea that 22 was young.

Am I wasting Youth?

Didn’t he know that I was an adult? I had been legal to drink in the USA for over a year so that meant my youth was already on the decline. What was left after turning 21 other than car rentals at 25 and becoming a member of AARP at 50? I quickly shook the notion that this was an insult and decided to sit with his statement as I waited for my flight. Youth. What was this youth he was referring to and how were “we” wasting it?

Carrying those words

Since that conversation, I have carried those words with me. In my decision-making processes in life, adventure, and love I’ve said to myself “They say youth is wasted on the young, Well, I am young and I don’t want to waste it.”

I write today to tell you that youth is not wasted on the young, because contrary to popular belief, youth holds NO expiration date. It is a constant presence that only gets ignored as an individual adheres to more of the social constructs of becoming an “adult”. Youth is a mindset that allows you to question, seek, and find yourself, over and over again. It’s what was with you as you navigated the hallways of high school freshman year. Youth carried you through high school as you embarked on explorations and experimental phases with friends, family, and your first tastes of figuring-out-life. Youth brought you through these times and carried you into the next chapter of your life. You left this youth upon your proverbial exit from childhood to maturity. Luckily, unlike a cellphone on the subway or $20 dollar bill dropped on the street, youth cannot be taken. It is waiting there for you to come back and carry it with you.

He was Wrong

 If I ever got to see that man from the airport again, I would tell him with conviction and certainty that he was wrong in the rightest way. One of the most frustrating and satisfying feelings is thinking you lost something only to discover it was right under your nose the whole time. Even if he spent the last 40 years yearning for a feeling and sense of self that he always had the ability to uncover, can’t we all take a little solace in the fact that it was never out of his reach?

Take more Action

Don’t be that man at the airport with the undertone of bitterness. Take more action, invoke more sense of self to see that youth is a state of being that just needs your consent in order to be felt. Youth is wasted on anyone, any age that chooses to let it go. 

Like that guitar in the attic from college, go pick it up, brush it off, tune it up, and play the tunes that make you feel alive. 

Youth never leaves You

Don't let your youth collect dust. Frank found someone, so you go out and find something that makes you feel young again. And remember that it was never gone, it's right where you left it.

10 Assertions About Life One Year Out of College

One year and one day ago I graduated from college. This photo encapsulates the joy and enthusiasm I felt that day. 

I am happy to report that I have carried that joy and enthusiasm with me as I embarked on what I markedly called "the first day of the rest of my life" (see planner photo below from my last semester of college). 

Since graduating, I've moved a couple times, changed jobs, and developed a new lens through which I view life.

 I sit here today with the same insatiable desire to live, learn, and take chances that has carried me through my adventures the past few years. It is this same desire that propelled me to take a gap year before college when I volunteered in Morocco and au paired in France. It is this same desire that led me to my study abroad in South Africa my junior year of college.

Through all of these experiences I learned a lot.  Now that the proverbial training wheels of education and institutions have been removed and I've ridden off into the horizon on my own two wheels, I'd like to share ten assertions I've come upon. Many of the lessons I went through and realizations I had were years and countries in the making. But it has been this particular year that has allowed me see life a little more clear. These are what I live by. 

10 Assertions About Life One Year Out of College

10. Proactivity>Reactivity. 

You can't always predict when it's going to rain, but you can carry an umbrella. Heck, there really isn't anything you can predict or control in life. 

9.  Don't be the first person to tell yourself no. 

There are plenty of cynical, unhappy people out there that are ready to tell you why you will fail. It is your job to believe in yourself and show them that yes, yes you can, yes you did. The belief  you have in yourself is one of the greatest determinants in your ability to succeed. 

8. Positivity yields positivity. 

There are a lot of ways you can say this. Some call it Karma, others say you reap the seeds you sow. However you spin it, the underlying sentiments are the same. Think of your thoughts like a magnet. When you think more positively more positive things will happen. Instead of being mad you are stuck at a redlight, appreciate the moment of stillness you have to stop and take a look around you. 

7. Staying curious is a cure for the common cynic. 

One of the reason kids are so fascinating and the youth spark social change is because both continue to question life. They never settle for this false idea that things-always-are-and-forever-will-be. There are no absolutes in life so keep asking questions. Continue to knock, seek, and find. 

 

6. You truly are the company you keep. 

Many great leaders have said you are the average sum of the five people you surround yourself with. Understand that people emit energy, much like the sun radiates heat and UV rays. Too much exposure to the wrong kinds of energy will leave you burnt, battered, and sick. Conversely, surrounding yourself with good energy will give you wings and make you become a better version of yourself. 

5. Success and failure are not mutually exclusive. 

These are two sides of the same coin. Failure is one of those universal human experiences that connect us all. Everyone has experienced failure. To me, success is not accepting failure as the final result. It's about rising above, moving forward, and figuring out a different approach.  Success and failure are determined by which outcome you choose to live with. 

4. When you take care of your mind and body everything else will fall into place. 

You would never try to drive across the country on a quarter tank of gas! If you did try, most people would label you as insane. Why do people think they can make it through the day, the week, and rest of their lives running on near empty?? When you take care of your body with adequate water, sleep, nutrients, and exercise there are immeasurable benefits that transcend all other aspects of your life. Take care of yourself NOW so you can enjoy yourself later in life. What you eat, how much you sleep, and how hydrated you are affect your mental state so much more than people realize. Taking care of your mind will make your cognitive skills better so you will be able to think clearer, stronger, and faster. 

3. Call your family and friends when you think about them. Don't sit on the fact that you can call them later until they become the late... 

We hold onto a certain notion that all of our siblings, cousins, aunts, uncles, grandparents, and parents will be there to see us through to our major life events. There comes a point though when you have to realize nothing is a certitude. When you think of someone, call them. Write to them. Reach out. 

2. An attitude of gratitude will carry you further than any raise, job, house, car, or other form of materialism. 

To me, gratitude is appreciating what you have while you have it. So many people seek outside of their own lives for happiness. A simple acknowledgement of your health, your family, and your freedom of choice are where true contentment can be found. People need to celebrate more of who they are now, not what they were or want to be. 

1.  Happiness is a choice. 

It's a crazy concept but it's true. I always thought that happiness was a point in life that I would reach when everything else fell into place. Now I see that happiness is a state of being. It actually is that simple. I am happy because I am healthy today. I choose happiness because it's empowering. I choose happiness therefore I AM.